Sunday, October 31, 2010
Welcome Poppy Seed
I read on my "What to Expect When You are Expecting" app that the baby is the size of a poppy seed right now. So, I would like to say "Welcome Poppy Seed!"
Happy Halloween
This past week I have felt off. I have been really tired, extremely moody, and a little nauseous. Now, none of these "symptoms" are unusual for me so I did not think much of them. I was being cautious, not wanting to get my hopes up just to be crushed again. So I told myself it was just a product of stress from work and school. However, last night after I got off work I decided to take a home pregnancy test for some reason. (I must have been holding on to a small piece of hope in my heart). Three minutes later I returned to the bathroom and saw the one prominent line. Negative again! The test was discarded and I returned to the kitchen to make dinner. Later that night, I told myself that there was still a chance that I could be pregnant this month. It could be a false negative because I had drank so much water that day and my urine might have too diluted to contain the required amount of detectable hormones. So I resolved that I would take one first thing in the morning.
This morning I woke up, let out the dogs, like I always do and grabbed another test. Three minutes later I returned to the bathroom. Another negative. When I picked it up to throw it away, something caught my eye. Is that? Could it be? Two lines? One dark and the other, faint, but definitely there? It is positive! I wondered about the one that I had taken the night before. I retrieved it from the trash and sure enough there was a second faint line on that one too. I had just missed it last night. The joy and excitement I felt in that moment is indescribable. We were going to have a baby. I wrapped the two positive tests (in a bag, of course) and a "daddy survivor kit" I had for M and put it on the counter when I left for work. On my way to work I got to thinking that those tests were from the same pack, and the lines were so faint, what if they were defective? So I stopped at Walmart and bought a different brand of test just to be triple sure. At work, I took the third test and it turned positive right away. This was real!
At home, M woke up a few hours later and saw the gift with a card for him. He texted me asking what it was for. I fibbed and told him it was a thank you for putting up with me being grumpy the past week. He opened it and at first was puzzled but then he was moved to tears when he saw the tests. I was taken back. I did not think that he would cry. He said that he was just so happy that we were finally pregnant. What a sweet man. Obviously I was not the only one that was excited.
This morning I woke up, let out the dogs, like I always do and grabbed another test. Three minutes later I returned to the bathroom. Another negative. When I picked it up to throw it away, something caught my eye. Is that? Could it be? Two lines? One dark and the other, faint, but definitely there? It is positive! I wondered about the one that I had taken the night before. I retrieved it from the trash and sure enough there was a second faint line on that one too. I had just missed it last night. The joy and excitement I felt in that moment is indescribable. We were going to have a baby. I wrapped the two positive tests (in a bag, of course) and a "daddy survivor kit" I had for M and put it on the counter when I left for work. On my way to work I got to thinking that those tests were from the same pack, and the lines were so faint, what if they were defective? So I stopped at Walmart and bought a different brand of test just to be triple sure. At work, I took the third test and it turned positive right away. This was real!
At home, M woke up a few hours later and saw the gift with a card for him. He texted me asking what it was for. I fibbed and told him it was a thank you for putting up with me being grumpy the past week. He opened it and at first was puzzled but then he was moved to tears when he saw the tests. I was taken back. I did not think that he would cry. He said that he was just so happy that we were finally pregnant. What a sweet man. Obviously I was not the only one that was excited.
Setting the Stage
When M and I got married we said we would wait five years before having children. Of course, I caught baby fever our first year married! (M would argue I had it when he met me!). However, M caught the fever last November when good friends of ours were expecting their first. At that time, I had given up on M wanting to have children any time soon and decided I was going to go back to school. When I told M I wanted to return to college, he said "I thought we were going to have a baby." I was caught off guard by his response, thinking that he was determined to stick to our original five-year-plan. That night we decided that I would go back to school in January and we would start trying for a baby the following July.
When July came, to say I was excited would be a huge understatement. I was sure it would happen that first month and nine months later we would have a beautiful child. However, it did not happen that first month, nor the second or the third. I was discouraged. Everyone kept telling me to just relax, it will happen. Now I know I am bit of a control freak, but it was more than that. I wanted to have a baby so bad that my heart ached. Those first three months I tried everything. July, I was overly cautious about everything I did, afraid to even skip without a blessing from the Doctor. When it did not happen in July, I decided to take a new approach. August I threw caution to the wind and almost went out of my way to be reckless. (I know it sounds irresponsible, but I thought if I was not so fixated on being good, "it would just happen") When August was not successful, I tried this again in September. However, September was not our month either. I was starting to wonder if it would ever happen for us. After having lunch with my two best friends (they brought their newborns) I went home and cried in M's arms. I felt like I was being punished and did not understand what we were doing wrong. For both my friends it happened the first month, no problems. (Now, I know what you are probably thinking, that these are extreme cases and it normally takes four to six months to get pregnant.) I knew this too, but I guess I thought I was more than average. October brought another opportunity to make a baby. I decided that I would stop trying what everyone else did and just be myself. I poured my energy into work, school, and exercising, trying to keep my mind off the thing that I could not control.
When July came, to say I was excited would be a huge understatement. I was sure it would happen that first month and nine months later we would have a beautiful child. However, it did not happen that first month, nor the second or the third. I was discouraged. Everyone kept telling me to just relax, it will happen. Now I know I am bit of a control freak, but it was more than that. I wanted to have a baby so bad that my heart ached. Those first three months I tried everything. July, I was overly cautious about everything I did, afraid to even skip without a blessing from the Doctor. When it did not happen in July, I decided to take a new approach. August I threw caution to the wind and almost went out of my way to be reckless. (I know it sounds irresponsible, but I thought if I was not so fixated on being good, "it would just happen") When August was not successful, I tried this again in September. However, September was not our month either. I was starting to wonder if it would ever happen for us. After having lunch with my two best friends (they brought their newborns) I went home and cried in M's arms. I felt like I was being punished and did not understand what we were doing wrong. For both my friends it happened the first month, no problems. (Now, I know what you are probably thinking, that these are extreme cases and it normally takes four to six months to get pregnant.) I knew this too, but I guess I thought I was more than average. October brought another opportunity to make a baby. I decided that I would stop trying what everyone else did and just be myself. I poured my energy into work, school, and exercising, trying to keep my mind off the thing that I could not control.
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